The Field Where I Died

Momento Mori

At times I almost dream
I too have spent a life the sages way
And tread once more familiar paths
Perchance I perished in an arrogant self-alliance an age ago
And in that act a prayer
for one more chance went up so earnest so...
Instinct with better light let in by death
that life was blotted out not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it to remain
dim memories
As now when seems
once more
The goal in sight again

For the first time I feel time like a heartbeat
The seconds pumping in my breast like a reckoning
The numinous mysteries that once seemed so distant and unreal
Threatening clarity in the presence of a truth
Entertained not in youth,
But only in its passage.
I feel these words as if their meaning were weight being lifted from me
Knowing that you will read them and share my burden
As I have come to trust no other
That you should know my heart,
Look into it finding there the memory and experience that belong to you,
That are you
Is a comfort to me now
As I feel the tethers loose
And the prospects darken for the continuance of a journey
That began not so long ago
And which began again with a faith shaken
And strengthened by your convictions
If not for which I might never have been so strong now
As I cross to face you and look at you
incomplete
Hoping that you will forgive me
for not making the rest of the journey with you.